It's true. I don't.
Hubster was raised to impress people. Put you best foot forward with clean, pressed clothes, daily bathing, immaculate hair... I can't say that I was raised too differently, but my Mom stopped dressing me at the age of 5. If I pulled out a wrinkled shirt out of my drawer, because I had shoved them in there while putting my laundry away, then a wrinkled shirt I wore. No one took it off me and insisted it get pressed.
Hubster told me last night that he thinks I go out of my way to do things differently than other people just to prove I don't care. I really don't care enough to do that. I asked for specifics. He asked if I really thought it was okay for our 4 year old daughter to go out of the house without her hair being brushed. I absolutely do think it's okay. We're not talking about heading off to school or to church, we're talking about running out to play with the neighbor kids or running to the grocery store. I know some people would never dream of taking their kids out of the house without having them in pristine condition, and that's okay for them, I would rather focus on their character than their outside appearance.
Maybe it was in my upbringing. I remember, as a kid, having an 8 o'clock bed time. During the school year it was no biggie, but during the Summer when it was still daylight and all the neighbors were outside playing, it was excruciating. The first chance I had to make decisions on my own I did it. I made my own decisions, refused to let others influence my opinions and was hard pressed to be persuaded to change my mind. That's not to say that I made choices lightly. I (almost) always weigh all the different scenarios and consequences of my choices. Sometimes I make mistakes, we all do. I brush myself off, learn from my mistakes, and make some changes.
Everybody has heard their parents say "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?" Actually, Mom, on a vacation you allowed me to go on with one of the neighbor families that's exactly what I did. Except I wasn't the follower. I found a bridge over water, making it perfect for jumping, and encouraged my friends to do it with me. I jumped first.
My house is unorganized and messy. I'll have time to fix that when both kids are in school full time. I stopped apologizing for it a long time ago. Firstly, because it made me sound stupid if you visited more than once (since it was still messy the second time) and secondly, I don't believe it defines me as a person. It says nothing about my inside character, the love I have for my family and friends or the desire I have to help others in all situations. It's just a messy house.
Basically my point is this. Life is too short to live it for other people. We all have to make our own choices. Ones we can be comfortable and proud of. If we do things to please others we can never fully please ourselves. I'm not saying we should set out to not please others, we should just worry first about ourselves. How the actions will make us feel. I should be able to walk out of the house with messy hair and no make up and know I am still a good person. I am respectful, considerate and kind, and if others are too shallow to look beyond my outside appearance than shame on them.
We judge by nature, but I think we should judge people by their character and how being around them makes us feel not by how they dress, how much money they have or how clean their house is.
That's me, and that's what I'm trying my hardest to teach my children.
19 comments:
You tell 'em! I wholeheartedly agree. Obviously, there are times that "looking the part" or looking nice is part of being considerate or appropriate in the situation, but those times are pretty infrequent. Definitely, it's what's inside that counts.
Absolutely there are times that we want tolook nice for ourselves and othersbut it shouldn't have to be every time we set foot outside the house. My "getting ready" to go to the grocery store consists of brushing my teeth and putting on a bra, lol.
Amen and Hallelujah! I'm an artist and just can't get inspired to clean my house. I tell my husband all the time that I never wanted to be a housekeeper when I grew up.
Yeah. My husband claims that a meesy house is a reflection on us and it bothers him that it's messy. Not enough to make him do anything about it though, lol.
Amen to that sista!!
My house is a mess and my kids hair looks like a rat's nest. If she weren't spending her whole day in and out of the pool I might be more inclined to brush it but I don't think so. You tell 'em!
Oh man, how do we get the whole world to read this and take note? Not everybody has Twiter, but I'd sure like to beat a few people about the face and neck with this. Their freshly washed face and powdered neck, that is. Love this post. Well done, my friend.
Jen~ It's even harder to brush afterall the chlorine gets in it. Mine HATES getting her hair brushed. I don't enjoy all that much because of that:)
NGIP~Thanks you. It's just time to spread the word:)
"My husband claims that a meesy house is a reflection on us and it bothers him that it's messy. Not enough to make him do anything about it though"
Nearly spit my water out laughing at the irony of this! My husband is the same way, yet the man won't use a dirty clothes hamper to save his life, and is totally blind to any messes HE makes in the kitchen. Took me a few decades to decide that I had no desire to be a housekeeper when I grew up, and my only regret is not having figured it out sooner!
I have just recently decided to not give a rats ass as well. In the virtual world, I never did but in my neighborhood, I was exiled for being, well, me. Last week I decided to embrace my inner crazy and blast it out to all those desperate housewives. I'm just way too cool for those hosers.
Rock ON. I could not agree more. I'm far more concerned with who my kids ARE than with how they LOOK. I've had my share of friends who go through making sure everyone only sees things at their very best, and that is just a huge waste of energy, IMO. I mean, make sure clothes fit and are clean and that there aren't boogers on your face or big hunks of crap in your teeth, but to refuse to leave the house unless everything's PERFECT is just plain dumb.
Excellent post!
I tend to agree with your husband. While I also agree what's inside counts, I also believe kids learn by example and going out wrinkled, unkempt sorta shows a lack of respect for others I think. I do think we should always do and be our best in life.
How we dress inside our homes is different then how we dress to play, go to church, school, or work. There are different standards for each location. Washing hands and face, combing hair, brushing teeth I think should be done before one leaves the house.
One should take pride in themselves and their appearance is a part of that.
I'm enough older then you, that no doubt that's part of our outlook; but I would never have allowed my daughter to wear something all wrinkled, or send hubby off to work wrinkled. To me, it's the same.
I'm organized and like a clean home, not manicured mind you. But I don't want people to feel like they have to move something off the furniture before they can sit down; or that things aren't clean. Perhaps you and hubby need to each compromise a bit. It's his house and his children too. If he's uncomfortable enough to say he thinks you go out of your way to be different perhaps theirs validity to his statement?
I always worked full time when my daughter was young and keeping things orderly took some effort; though hubby and I did things together. He too likes orderly; which is not the way he was raised. He talks about being embarrassed when friends came to his house because it wasn't clean and orderly, so has gone the other direction as an adult.
Different strokes for different folks, as he says, that's why we can find out cars in the parking lot.
Sandy
Amen sistah!
Having a child with autism who hates to have her head touched, let alone brushed taught me to not give a rats ass what others think. Okay, so I do care still, but I had to let it go.
The battle wasn't worth winning in that case.
However, your case is no more valid than his I suppose. If it's important to him that things are neat and orderly then perhaps comprimise is in order? That takes at least 2 people though.
Sandy and Jenn~ I agree that comprimise is important in a relationship and make an effort on a lot of things. The fact that he is the worst culprit (more so than the kids) at leaving his crap lying around makes his concern seem less valid to me. I'm not saying it's right, but it is how I feel.
Preach on sista-girl. As a once professional organizer, I finally came to the conclusion it would never stay that way, so screw it. Be happy.
Oh my gosh, you sound an awful lot like me. lol. Though I haven't completely given up on the idea of one day having a clean house, I just don't know when that day will be yet. Maybe when I can afford a maid. lol. I'm a new follower from MBC and I would love for you to stop by sometime: http://www.createyourtraditions.com. :)
This sounds familiar. I am married to a control-freak who puts cleanliness, order and puntuality before love and kindness. I choose for my children the later first and do the best I can with neatness and orderliness.
You can guess where this is going. After 19 years of marriage he has decided that he is tired of me!
But what is the hardest problem, is that we cannot talk about our differences without it turning into an argument.
If we could talk about finding practical solutions, maybe we could have kept together. But he refuses to talk without accusing me of all of our problems. He says that he wants to do things, not just talk about it. I think it is important to first agree upon what to do before you do it.
I am one of your followers, but I don't want to sign with my real name.
I wish you well.
Soon to be divorced because of not being a good enough housekeeper (according to my husband).
Anon~ That truly makes me sad on a lt of levels. I would like to believe that we are beyond the traditional role models. We can be so much more. I hope you find happiness and someone who will love you for you and not the cleanliness of your house.
We are all equal, men and women. I don't think it's unreasonable for a man to want an immaculate house. He just better be ready to help clean of hire a maid.
Good luck to you.
There's a lot of truth to this.
My daughter dislikes having her hair brushed most of the time. And, she prefers it to be long and hanging in her face.
Once when she was in kindergarten I brushed her hair and put clips to keep it out of her face. She replied with "I'll just take them out when I get too school!" And, I replied, "So long as your teacher knows I sent you to school with your hair out of your face."
She is definitely learning that the inside is more important than the outside. ;-)
Post a Comment